Songs That Shaped Me: "By Our Love"

If you grew up in church, you might not remember the sermons you've heard through the years, but you sure remember the music.  Thisis because the message comes through meter and rhyme, rhythm and repetition.  And it's likely that you hear each sermon only once, but you'll hear the same church music for years.  Because of this, the songs we sing in church tend to sharpe us as much as, if not more than, the Sunday school lessons or sermons that are preached.  This is why I've always tried to make sure that the songs we sang in the churches I served, reflected good theology.  

Unfortunately, many Christian songs have some poor messages that we keep repeating each time we sing them in church.  I've butted heads with some good music directors in churches, over their insinstence upon singing bad songs just because "the people love them."  I've tried to explain that the songs we sing shape our outlook on life--for good or for evil.  And even the songs we sing in church can have a bad effect on us, so "be careful, little ears, what you hear."

I've decided to take a few blog posts to talk about the songs that shaped me--some for the better, and some for the worse.  Some you might know, and others you may not recognize.  They are defintely all throwbacks.  The first is an idealized vision of what the Church is supposed to be--and for this reason, it may have made me somewhat of an idealist in my own view of the Church.  They'll Know We are Christians was written in the 1960s, so you know that when I heard it in the 1970s and 1980s, it was still considered new, by church standards.  I'll share with you a more updated version, "By Our Love," by For King and Country:



These lyrics, by Fr. Peter Scholtes, communicate the ethos of what the early church intended--unity and love.  In fact, they quote John 13:35, which says that love should be the distinguishing characteristic of believers.  The world will know that we are disciples of Jesus by the love we share.    No, it's not the crosses around our necks or the Bibles that we carry.  It's not the steeples on our churches or the multi-million-dollar TV shows.  The world will know we are Christians by our love.  Sound idealistic?  Jesus didn't think so.  And it's this simple, idealistic, message that shaped the way I saw the church as a child.

Perhaps this is something the Church needs to regain--unity in the Spirit.  We need to remember that unity does not equal conformity.  It doesn't even mean agreement.  Look, we are never going to agree on everything--maybe especially not on the hot button issues.  But when we can learn to live in unity despite our differences, they'll know we are Christians by our love.  Not by our insistence that we have the right interpretation of scripture,  not by our adherence to the strictest of moral laws, and not by the way we worship.  When we live in unity with one another, and embracing the world Jesus died for, they'll know we are Christians by our love.  

"I'm broken. The church is broken. And that's beautiful."

"I'm broken.  The church is broken.  And that's beautiful."  That was my answer when someone asked me what I'd say if I ever interviewed for a pastoral position again.  Now, I'm not saying that I will, and I'm not saying that I won't, ever pastor a church again--that's up to God.  I'll just say yes to whatever God directs.  But when the question came to me, how I might represent myself or communicate my vision for the (universal) Church, I answered in terms of brokenness.

You see, I come from a broken home--two times over.  My parents didn't divorce til I was grown, but it profoundly impacted me as a young adult.  My first marriage lasted almost a quarter century, leaving many blessings but also some damage to my heart, to hers, and to our children.  But God specializes in restoring things that are broken.  People who are broken, too.  But God restores us beyond that which was fractured, and gives new purpose to our shards.

Kintsukuroi is the Japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer.  This serves as a metaphor for the way that pain, grief, and trauma can transform us into something beautiful.  It reminds us that our brokenness, our scars, can become things of beauty.  My life is Kintsukuroi. 

Now, I don't claim that I have been restored.  Instead, I'm proud to say that I'm broken.  But I'm being renewed day by day.  God has forgiven my failures, is putting me back together, and constantly restores my life, my love, and my livelihood.  God has brought me together with my amazing new bride, given me a new home, a new country, and a renewed purpose.  I can't say whether I'll ever stand in a pulpit again--but when somebody asked me how I'd express myself to  the Church, I'd say that I'm broken, and that's beautiful.

I'd also tell any individual congregation that it, too, is broken.  Because the Church (universal) is made up of damaged people who are all in the process of being restored, individual churches too are comprised of messed-up people.  They're led by messed-up people.  And they serve messed-up people.  If I ever stood before a church again, I'd tell them not to forget that they're all broken.  And that when they engage the world, they shouldn't do so from a position that says, "We've got it together, and we want to help the damaged people to be like us."  Instead, the church needs to embrace its Kintsukuroi-ness, and understand that broken is beautiful.  We're all damaged--and God is putting us back together.  The Church can only get real with the world when it gets real with itself.  Because the broken world will never be attracted by a pristine church.  Only a damaged Church will do.

"The Apple of My Eye"

Do I have an apple in my eye?  I've always wondered what the phrase, "the apple of my eye" meant--mainly because I'm a "word nerd," who loves learning where our interesting words and phrases originate.  Grammarist describes it thus:

The apple of one’s eye describes a thing or person which someone loves above all others, someone’s favorite person or thing, a person or thing that he is proud of. The phrase the apple of one’s eye dates back at least to the ninth century, first seen in King Aelfred of Wessex’ Gregory’s Pastoral Care. It was probably used in conversation long before that time. Originally, the apple of one’s eye referred to the pupil of the human eye. It was believed that the pupil was a round, solid object. In a time without proper eye care, sight was a precious commodity. It wasn’t long before the apple of one’s eye became a metaphor for something precious. This metaphor was used several times in the King James version of the Bible, as in Psalms: “Keep me as the apple of thine eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings.” Shakespeare used the phrase in A Midsummer Night’s Dream: “…Hit with Cupid’s archery, Sink in apple of his eye.” The term was resurrected when Sir Walter Scott used it in his novel Old Mortality, published in 1816: “Poor Richard was to me as an eldest son, the apple of my eye.”

Three different times in Scripture, we find the phrase.  David writes in Psalm 17:8 (NIV), "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."  In Proverbs 7:2 (NIV), a loving father says to his son, "Keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye."  Zechariah 2:8 (NIV) says, "For thus said the Lord of hosts, after his glory sent me to the nationis who plundered you, for he who touches you touches the apple of his eys."

So the "the apple of your eye" means something or someone very dear to you.  It's a mistranslation, and means "little person" or "little doll" of the eye, and refers to the fact that when you get really, really close to another, you can see a tiny reflection of yourself in their pupil.  In The Reasons of the Heart, John Dunne writes:

Nicholas of Cusa in his Vision of God, while speaking of our inner vision of God, speaks...of God's vision of us.  He has it that our seeing God consists of our having a sense of God seeing us: to see God is to see one who sees; it is to have an experience of being seen.  It is like looking at one of those protraits, he says, where theeyes are so contrived as to follow the beholder wherever he moves.  No matter where the beholder stands, the eyes of the portrait seem to be looking at him.  Or better, we could say, it is like feeling the gaze of another person, feeling the gaze without seeing the other's eyes.  Or it can be like meeting the gaze of another.  Or it can even be like looking into the eyes of another and seeing there the pupil, the pupilla, the "little doll," the tiny image of oeself reflected in the other's eyes."

Today, I'm thinking of all the "pupils" I've had in my life--my own children (biological and not), church family that I was blessed to serve as their pastor, clients that I now care for.  When I look at each one, very closely, I can see a tiny image of myself reflected in their eyes.  I'm reminded that, if I want to see this remarkable thing, I've got to get very close.  You don't make an impression on someone from a distance--you've got to get close in order to change someone's life.  But be careful, what you say and do--because those "little dolls" in your life will never forget the difference you made, for good or for evil.  

The Bible says you are the apple of God's eye.  The Divine Loving Parent has shown you how very precious you are, in God's sight.  Do others know how precious they are, in your eyes?  I hope that, with every interaction, you might not just see other people--but that you might see them, seeing you, seeing them.  And that they might know, from your perspective, how lovely they are.  

"Be Here Now"

Won't you be glad when COVID-19 is over?  I'll bet you have plenty of ideas for the things you want to do when this pandemic is done.  Personally, I have some travel plans that are on hold until we get through this mess.  I can't wait to go back to Virginia and visit family and friends--but those plans may very well be delayed.  That doesn't stop me from thinking about the good times I'll have when life is back to normal, though.  I want to go hiking and camping and kayaking.  I want to go to church and be with people I care about.  Yep--that'll be the day!

In Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV), God speaks these words through the prophet, to people who are desperate for better days:  

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Many people have adopted this as their "life verse," a sort of guiding principle for their lives.  This is a great verse, and definitely worthy of being treated as such.  It reminds us that no matter how bad things get, or how discouraged we may become, God has a good future planned for us.

But let's read that verse in context of God's other word for struggling people.  In verses 4-7 (NIV), God says:

This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:  “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.” 

These words remind us not to focus so much on the future that we forget the present.  In the poignant words of Ram Dass, we are reminded to "be here now."  These three simple words encapsulate what God was telling the people of Israel.  They may long for the future, and God may promise a brighter day--but God's people are meant to "be here now."  

So, if you're feeling anxious about the present, remember that the future will be brighter.  But today, settle down.  Invest yourself in those around you.  Find something constructive to do. Seek other people's prospertity--be helpful to others.  Remember to pray for your enemies and your neighbors alike.  Practice mindfulness--be present in the present moment.  While you have faith that tomorrow will be a brighter day, don't forget to "be here now."

"God is Broken"

"God must be broken," someone once told me.  "What kind of God would allow so much suffering in this world?"

I nodded in agreement.  "A broken God," I answered.

As of now, COVID-19 has claimed at least 164,391 lives worldwide, not to mention the "collateral damage" of the disease.  Some of the peripheral pain caused by this strain of Coronavirus is:

• Mental health crises brought on by isolation, financial hardship
• Increased suicide rate
• Massive unemployment
• Rise in domestic violence
• Educational plans put on hold or destroyed
• Decrease in access to public health services, leading to exacerbated health situations, even death

You could probably add your own story of hardship to the list above.  In times like these, many people express feelings of doubt.  They ask, "Can a good God be all-powerful?  Can an all-powerful God be good?"  I'm going to let theologians who are more qualified than myself answer this question--I'm sure you'll Google the answer.  Instead, I want to answer my friend who said, "God must be broken."

Yes, indeed--God is broken.  

God's heart is broken by the brokenness of this world.  God weeps with those who weep.   When you go through sorrow or fear or heartbreak or disappointment, God feels that pain right along with you.  God never intended it to be this way--but God does want to heal your hurt.

God's body was broken by the brokenness of this world.  When Jesus died on the cross, it was because this cruel world couldn't abide someone so loving, so gracious, so wise, and so healing to continue to draw breath.  Yes, it's true that "hurt people hurt people," and the hurting world put Jesus on the cross.  Because of this, God knows first hand the suffering and pain caused by the brokenness of the world.  

God's mind was even broken by the brokenness of the world.  The state of creation is so fallen, so fractured, so failed that in an instant it broke the mind of God.  On the cross, Jesus felt so ripped apart that he spoke the unthinkable: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"  Divine Jesus felt torn from the Trinity, like the curtian of the Temple that was shredded from top to bottom.

Yes, God is broken--and yet, God lives.

It takes a broken God to know the suffering of a shattered world.  But it takes a risen God to declare triumph over the pain.  That's what Easter was all about--Jesus announcing that even though the pain is real, there is hope and remaking.  And it's good news that even though Jesus is risen, he still bears the scars.

When Jesus appeared to the disciples, Thomas missed the event.  In his doubt, he told them that they'd fallen to mass hysteria.  He wouldn't believe it, he said, until he saw and touched Jesus' scars.  Then, a week later, Jesus appeared again.  This time, Thomas was there.  Trembling as Jesus let him touch the places where the nails and spear had been, Thomas declared, "My Lord, and my God!"  

Even though Jesus was resurrected, he still kept the scars.  This was so he could show broken Thomas that he was broken, too.  Rather than asking Thomas to exercise some great faith, Jesus met his friend right where was--in his pain and doubt and shattered spirit.  Jesus said, "You know--I'm broken, too.  Here, touch my brokenness, and let's be broken together for a while."  Then, this sharing of pain brought relief, from which sprouted faith.

I wonder--during this time of COVID-19, has your faith been shaken or shattered?  Have you suffered hardship, loss, grief, or dispair?  Have you thought that God must be broken?  Well--you're right.  God was broken, and is broken still.  But in that brokenness, God knows your pain.  God shares your pain--but offers you promise.  The resurrection is real.  Just like Jesus' broken body was remade, you can be put back together as well.  Jesus doesn't ask that much of you--he meets you right where you are.  Even if you're not ready to say, "My Lord and my God," Jesus simply says, "Look--touch--see.  This is my body, broken for you."

"What if the Church...Were More Attractive and Less Condemning?"

"You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar," Mom said.  She was right then, and she's right now. 

Thumper the Rabbit's mom agrees, adding, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all."

Yet, if you were to ask the unchurched world what it thinks of the church, most people would say that the church is condemning, judgmental, and rude. 

If that's how we come across, it makes me wonder...are we doing it right? 

Because Jesus didn't come across that way.  Jesus was known as the "friend of sinners," not the finger-shaking judge.  Jesus focused on attracting people to God, rather than condemning them.  In John 3 (NIV), Nichodemus sought the Master out for a secret meeting because he knew his interest in Jesus would be scorned by his fellow religious leaders.  He asked Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life.  Jesus answered:

14 Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, 15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”

Jesus was talking about an incident in Israel's history (Numbers 21) where venomous serpents swarmed the camp of wandering Hebrews, biting and killing many.  They attributed this plague to God's punishing them for grumbling.  This is fitting, because it underscores that when we grumble, we poison ourselves.  The solution Moses presented was to make a bronze serpent, and set it on a pole.  Everyone who looked to the metal snake for healing was miraculously cured.  Jesus referenced this odd occurence as an allegory.  Just as healing came to the Israelites by attracting their attention away from the grumbling and pain, to focus instead on the source of their healing, Jesus himself would be lifted up as a source of healing.  In John 12:32, Jesus would reinforce this approach of attracting people to him by saying, "And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.”

Instead of focusing on the negative, Jesus says, "Look at me!" Instead of condemning, Jesus offers hope.  Again, in John 3, the narrator picks up the theme from Jesus' words to Nicodemus.  

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

Clearly, Jesus is not about condemning the world, but about saving it.  This is his mission.  And this ought to be what the church is about.  

Unfortunately, the church has all too often been about shaking its finger and sometimes shaking its fist at the world, condemning a culture that doesn't follow the church's way.  This doesn't make sense, because how can we expect a world that isn't a part of the church to follow the way of Jesus?  That's like condemning a cat for not acting more like a dog.  Instead, the church ought to be inspiring dogs to act like better dogs.  Maybe that kind of gentle attraction will one day make cats say, "Can you show me how to be a better cat, too?"  

So, I ask, "What if the church were more attractive and less condeming?"  How would it change the way we operate among fellow believers?  How would it change the way we relate to people we view as "outside the faith?"  I believe if we shift and become more like Jesus in this matter, the spirit of the church would change entirely, and more people would be drawn to Christ.

"Love Doesn't Keep Score"

Have you ever wondered where those tennis folks get off, using the word "love" to mean "nothing?"  That doesn't make any sense. Because I'm a word nerd, I looked it up.   Here's one thing I found on Quora:

MAHALAKSHMI MURALI, Tennis BloggerAnswered Nov 17, 2017Originally Answered: What does love means in tennis?The origin of “love” in tennis is disputed. It technically corresponds to zero. One of the possible derivations of the word “love” could be the French expression “L’œuf” which translates into the egg because an egg looks like the number zero. Another possible theory of the origin of “love” could be that at the beginning of the match when the scores are zero the opponents have love of each other, hence “Love All”.

Etymonline further illuminates:

Old English lufu "feeling of love; romantic sexual attraction; affection; friendliness; the love of God; Love as an abstraction or personification," from Proto-Germanic *lubo (source also of Old High German liubi "joy," German Liebe "love;" Old Norse, Old Frisian, Dutch lof; German Lob "praise;" Old Saxon liof, Old Frisian liaf, Dutch lief, Old High German liob, German lieb, Gothic liufs "dear, beloved"). The Germanic words are from PIE root *leubh- "to care, desire, love."

The weakened sense "liking, fondness" was in Old English. Meaning "a beloved person" is from early 13c. The sense "no score" (in tennis, etc.) is 1742, from the notion of playing for love (1670s), that is, for no stakes. 

So, love is playing for nothing.  Love is playing for no score.  This reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13:1-7.  I don't usually, but I'm going to share those verses from Eugene Peterson's The Message:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

2 If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.

3-7 If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back, but keeps going to the end.

Right in the center of all those qualities is that love "doesn't keep score."

I can't tell you how many times I've fallen into the trap of keeping score with someone I love.  "I've given and given to them, but they haven't given back."  Or, "They've hurt me so many times!"  It's like the tennis score is 40-love, where "love" means "nothing," and that's my score.  Zip.  Zero.  That's what keeping score gets you. 

But what if we change the meaning of the tennis score "love" and understand it this way:  "Man, you really got one on me--but I still love you!  Well, you're scoring more than I am, but I still love you."  You get to the point where if your score is "love," you're no longer keeping score at all--becaue what's the point?  In fact, there are no points.  You're not in the relationship to win.  You're in it for the love of the game, for the love of the other person.  So let them score.  Or better yet--if you quit keeping score then their triumphs aren't scores anymore anyway.  You simply get to say, "Good one!  Way go go!  Look at how well you've done!"  And that's a much better way to play the game than competing anyway.

Have you ever gotten frustrated in an argument, thrown up your arms and said, "I can't win!?"

Why are you trying to win, anyway?  That's not a very nice way to play the game where "love" means neither of you is keeping score.  Instead, when you're in a disagreement, step aside.  Go back to 1 Corinthians 13, and remind yourself what love is all about.